What is FREEDOM to you?
What does it look and feel like?
For myself FREEDOM is…
Dancing wild and free in the darkest of nights in my loungeroom where I can’t be seen.
Frolicking through a forest amongst the trees with the innocent mind of a child leaving all responsibilities at home.
Laying naked in the heat under the radiant light of the sun, completely surrendering myself to the divine.
Turning my phone off all day and not having to answer to anyone but myself.
Singing in the car while driving with the music so loud that I can’t even hear my own voice, pretending that the voice of the Alanis Morrisette song playing is mine.
Eating pleasurable foods that the mind says no to, but the body and heart say yes.
Spreading out my yoga mat and synchronizing breath and movement, while being held by the safety of my mat.
Eating cacao and feeling her run through my veins and oxygenating my cells. She opens my heart.
Sitting there just watching my baby sleep while he mutters his budgie language. Yes, my baby has feathers.
FREEDOM also looks like for me…
To be able to travel without the fears of different foods and researching all the places that are going to be Tabitha friendly close by.
Saying yes to lunch dates without always having to be in control and always take my own.
To be able to wake up in the morning without planning every darn meal down to a tee to feel somewhat relief of anxiety for the day.
To let go of food and body shame cycles and love myself unconditionally.
To be free of the OCD rituals and habits that are driven from fear.
To let go of all emotional attachments that cause me pain.
To be free from allowing my emotions to dictate what I can and can’t eat for the day.
To run away for a week without the concern that I will miss out on business opportunities.
To be able to snack whenever I feel the urge, just coz for fun.
So here you can see the both polarities of what FREEDOM feels and could look like for me from one end of the scale to the other.
Within the last few months, I am becoming such a witness to my shit!
Constantly catching myself out. Seeing more of the fears that hold me back. Becoming willing to put a foot forward more and more into those depths. Some days I am braver than others and the water feels warmer to step into. Some days I may feel weak, others may feel strong. To me this is working with the dark and light of both polarities in a steady pace that works for me. Anything too fast with force just overwhelms me and I feel I may speak for many here.
More on that in a later story, another time, where I completely lost all my power for 6 weeks and was my nightmare! A living hell I call it!
If you followed my last blog on Ortharexia, you may be aware of some of my challenges and I am going to be opening up about more. Spreading more awareness what can happen to the physical and mental parts of self with any disordered eating. I have been working with an extremely fabulous Integrated Doctor of late and she is discovering many things within myself. I am most definitely not denying my fears about my body and food due to my past conditions and beliefs I have picked up along my life so far, but I am also most definitely really seeing how physical disruptions within the body can also be the driver behind disordered eating too. Because let’s be real, you avoid things that cause you pain right?
I am not talking uncomfortable ‘growth’ pain here, I am talking the knowing pain that is not putting you in your ‘growth’ zone.
So, I would all invite you to sit with that word FREEDOM.
To acknowledge what you do that makes you feel FREEDOM, and do more of that, but to also acknowledge what would make you have more FREEDOM to.
Ponder on it…
I LOVE you all and appreciate you listening
PS: the recipe story book is close…I would also invite you to subscribe to my website as this book will not be your ordinary recipe book.