The other day I pulled out some old journals and decided to bravely open them.
Gee I was brave. Some of the stuff I wrote in there felt scary to read, but you know it gave inspiration to blog about my ponderings and how I can create more balance and accept myself at a deeper level in the hope that It helps you too.
I have overcome some hurdles to soften into more acceptance with myself, but I still have a way to go as these journal entries showed me, even though written years ago, felt too close for comfort as still these patterns I can interwind myself in to today.
Today I am not quite ready to share one of the journal entries I had written a few years back, but I have this idea that I want to be so totally vulnerable and open to this idea to make like a fortnightly journal entry share that exposes some of the words I have written down on paper about how I felt about myself and my body.
Ekkk, yep, I am called to do this and have been putting it off for some time now and the message won’t go away until I start!
So, as I said, this blog is not sharing an entry yet, but just made me get inspired about writing about trying to take your power back in your life. So, I am blogging about this as a reminder for myself and a reminder for you too!
One of my entries I was reading made me realize how powerless I had become over my emotions.
Not accepting each day as it comes or the circumstances that would come to me. Allowing conditions of the body to emotionally entangle me in feelings I could not control in a healthy way or even sit with. Rolling into story after story losing every inch of myself to close off completely from the world and all that exists in it.
I couldn’t choose to live in ectasy with my life, yet I told myself that I was.
I had two options with not accepting the days circumstances. One being, giving up and shutting down or two being, reining in my power to have faith and trust. Option one was favoured more times than one. It was easier, or so I have come to believe, until now.
The circumstances I see were here to teach me a lesson, or to keep arising to give me that gentle kick up the bum as hadn’t let go of a habit that would actually be keeping my feet in the sludge and not moving out.
The thing I see is that I need such a simple act of more gratitude for what was and what is. More acceptance. Acceptance softens circumstances so we aren’t so hard on ourselves I came to realize. It teaches us that brutal self-talk and judgement can be the result of non-acceptance and rejection of self in the first place, which results in the rejection of circumstances.
Acceptance can lead to ectasy I see. A life where nothing is good or bad, or right or wrong.
I needed to not be so scared of my power and relax in the assurance of my love. To not act independently without the connection to my soul. That beautiful balance. The marriage of the feminine and masculine. The Eve and the Adam.
The balance so I would not be swooned by the temptations of this world. To leave the places and circumstances that do not add value to the colourful beautiful life I envision for myself.
Seeing that holding this type of power, the power of acceptance, ectasy can actually await us at the other end.
No, no its not. That is why I haven’t derailed much off my path that lead me down another road as its not easy. Change is not easy, at first. Notice I said at first?
It feels icky for me at times, a lot of the time actually. Sometimes one step in the right direction can lead me back 6 steps in the opposite direction. But what matters the most is that I am experiencing my foot in that new direction. That foot is touching ground it has not touched before.
Keep coming back to the heart is what drops in for me.
“COME BACK TO THE HEART”.
Just this alone can remind me to take a step back and consider all the stories, thoughts and feelings all are playing a part in the production of this life we are living.
So, I am looking forward to sharing some of my journal entries, yes and the ones I say maybe not be pretty on my website. I need to for some reason and not rejecting that call.
On that note, i am off now to work on editing my manuscript for my recipe story book!
I know I have some excited people awaiting this book. Are you one of them?
Think, healthy chocolate brownies, a remake of a cherryripe, mint-chip ice-cream or a chocolate truffles.
It is close, the book that is.
You are not too late to subscribe to my website, which also has some free recipes on there for you to get inspired, or check out my facebook page where you can start dreaming about the beautiful creations I am placing into my book. You can find my facebook page under Tabitha Lee. Eat-Share-Love