To the bird that sacrificed itself today and helped open me up to another level with my shadow self…
Today I had a very unusual feeling in my body.
For starters, I woke thinking it was my birthday, then craved sweets for breakfast, so had that then a little tear as cacao always gets the emotions brewing up to the surface for me.
I didn’t do my usual morning exercise routine and instead keep the morning slow.
My joints in my body felt sore and some gut health symptoms were stirring away inside. It all felt so weird and amongst the mental stress my mind was playing at with the stories running, I surprised myself and remained somewhat peaceful, like a surrender state and this felt different to a usual surrender for me.
I needed to get outside, nature was calling. I had a strong desire to get in a walk to make sure I got my ‘exercise’ and be a good girl by the rules at play, yet when I stepped foot outside my door and started, this walk I felt had to be done to save a life and not out of obligation to manipulate my body. Not understanding the extent of this feeling, I kept putting one foot in front of the other with a tea bag in one hand and an umbrella in the other as I was off to a friends for a cuppa and chat. What a little pilgrimage it ended up being.
The air felt thick, but it felt easy to walk through this time. Everything felt so quite and even the usual birds that would sing, they were quiet.
I came to a stop as I saw a heap of bird feathers scattered all over the road. Naturally, I always pick up a feather to take home as it’s a freedom symbolisation for me, then i see the bird, obviously hit by a car. Without the use of his legs and lower half, it sat there, breathing and looking at me like it had just surrendered to what ever the outcome was to its fate. I felt the emotions rise up, not the cacao this time, and I take a seat on the grass next to it.
Birds eyes communicate so much with me and having my budgie Woowoo at home, I have become accustomed to reading what he is feeling through his eyes, and this bird on the side of the road was scared. No phone with me, so I run into the closest neighbours and ask for an old towel to wrap him up in. As I pick him up, I see his front breast is all shaved off and felt so much sadness. As I walk to my friends and get them to help me pop him in a box, I take him home and put on calming music while Woowoo watches him for an hour and so the birds nervous system can relax. I had faith he could be saved, yet part of me knew it was not to be. It was his time. I take him to the local vet and there is nothing they could do for him.
As I left the vet, I cried so much, yes for the bird, but the bird bought up my shadow side, like I could not escape this at all.
The judgement about myself, my life, my health, who I am, everything came boiling up. I didn’t run, I wanted to, then I kept coming back to the bird on the side of the road. The bird was in complete surrender, it had no choice. We have a choice. That bird in the wild would have never let me pick it up, yet when it was bruised and battered, it allowed me, it surrendered.
The birds message for me was that, don’t get yourself to the point you have no option to surrender. Some of us may have to get there to actually accept it, yet I do not want to hit rock bottom anymore before I choose to. So, I sat with myself today and allowed myself to feel, feel it all. My daily life had become a 24/7 full time job of judgement. Judgement about almost everything, like I was programmed to make my outcomes turn on me from feeling I had made the wrong choices or feel that someone would look at me because something was wrong about me. I sat with all these feelings and what I realised is that I was always expecting the worst, so that is what it exactly felt like, it was inevitable. Even the other day, I pulled one of my crystal oracle cards and it was the Iolite card, now I know this on a physical level is connected to the liver, so automatically freaked and went into autopilot mode thinking I need to do a liver flush or that my liver is ruined, all the stories, blah blah. To then read the message and also see that the message was about the vison you have for your goals is manifesting, just keep your vision on the end goal and how that will feel. See, a positive message, yet the judgement about my body automatically is set for default on what could be wrong. Judgement judgement judgement!
I can see this shadow work needs to be a constant daily practise to check in and breathe. Feel it and let it go to be set free. Fear needs to be felt yet not become the identification of self.
We must expose and expel our rebellious tendencies. When something interferes with your plans or desires, we tend to resent the interference, when we really need to become aware of it and not push those unpleasant feelings down.
Ahhhh, it felt so good to feel today.
The bird today surrendered. Now he is set free and pain free.
God bless you dear bird, I love you.
Tabitha Lee xx
PS: The recipe book is all with the editor and wait for the news in a couple of weeks.
If there is a book inside you, do not wait! Life is precious.