LOVE is the way we lose attachment.
But what does it mean to love and surrender to that?
LOVE, it is a word that can be thrown around every day, yet embodying it is a whole other ball game.
Sometimes it is even easier to love another more than you love yourselves as a bypass to give yourself the attention you ever so need.
Yes, this attachment to if I love them and give them attention, I can avoid looking at myself and my needs.
When I felt so attached to something or someone, I knew my level of trust and love with myself needed to be strengthened. Like a muscle that needs to be trained to be strong once again and reminded of its capable powers. It can become sore at the beginning to build this strength and to commit to it can feel out of reach at times. Changes can be painful and need to be supplemented with enough compassion and nurturing, so you don't fall back into the easy way out by clinging to attachment and addiction.
All sounds easy doesn’t it? Just love yourself more, but love, what does it truly mean?
Running a bath filled with magnesium salts and placing rose petals to drift upon the top is not true love I believe. This self-care ritual is great for maintenance, but not true love.
To love is to accept and look at all the brutally traumatized parts within the depths of yourself, while holding a compassionate space to do it in. Staying here when you want to run from the ugly parts to arise and being in the un-comfortability of that and not turning to something to attach to from not wanting to be here and look within yourself. If you can sit here awhile with all those parts you will then know what it feels to truly love without conditions. To avoid all those parts just opens a door to attachment to enter.
So here is what I have I learnt how to love myself more and to have some separation from attachments and addiction…
Stop running away and constantly scaring yourself. Every time something happens that tests your level of how much you can love yourself, don’t run. If you need to find someone who you can work with so you can be heard during these times when the fears surface to help you see what is truth from illusion, I highly recommend.
Speak to yourself as you would a child that has hurt themselves and is in pain. Remember how much safer and loved you felt when a family member kissed your knee better when you fell. Someone was just holding space for you to feel safer just as you can do for yourselves.
Stop isolating yourself when you clearly need the help. Remember the muscle theory above, don’t allow the addictions to be strengthened and become more powerful. It may feel safer to isolate, I know this being an introvert and all, but when you know you need to reach out don’t allow the illusionary safety that the ego puts forward to trick you.
Cry. Yes, allow yourself to cry. Without crying, we just can’t break through the armor that we have placed around our heart from all the pain we have experienced. That armour that closes us off from truly living to even love from the surfacing fears that we may feel pain again, we have to feel that to break free and this usually can mean tears. Allow those tears to run down your cheeks. Throw a tantrum if you must and get those stuck emotions to move through you to free what is under the surface.
Get a budgie, yep seriously. My budgie has taught me to take better care of myself. Watching him trust his intuition daily and acting without judgement, that give rise for me to be inspired to follow my heart more. To follow that dear heart of ours is imperative to a loving relationship with ourselves.
A little exercise for you to embark on. Start and be courageous.
Every-time you feel your inner demons surface, robbing you of those loving feels that radiant within your cells, sit with it, love it. Just love it and be with it. Strengthening your muscle because I want you all to help me feel more motivated to do this myself.
From me to you, my ponderings.
Take what you need and leave out the rest.
Tabitha lee xxx